Patricia Godley

sometimes i feel like peter.. – YouTube

I know that 2020 was a difficult year for many. And though the epidemic has not affected me directly, thank you Lord, 2020 ( and 2021) was/is a terribly difficult year   I backslid and fell further from God. (backslid? such a strange word, that we utter with such ease, and yet we shouldn’t)

I never thought that would happen. I thought it was something that only happened to others, whose faith was weak.

This past year broke me, physically, emotionally, financially and spiritually.  I remember God leading me to study the book of Job right before all this mess started, right before the illness and insomnia, before  the financial woes, before the heartbreak, before watching all my dreams and plans fall to pieces.

While studying Job, I also remember praying ‘whatever it takes, do whatever it takes Lord to mold me into what you need me to be´ and being afraid to utter those words, because I think I knew something was coming,  some from my own doing, some from things I have no control over.

And boy, did it hurt, it still does.

First the illness came, then the letter from the lawyer, then more illness.

Sleepless nights turned into purposeless days.

An unequally yoked relationship turned into my worst fear. And of course, a broken heart followed.

A few weeks ago I fell to my knees in anger and yelled out to God, asking Him why has He abandoned me, He promised He wouldn’t. I felt alone and broken. Terrible thoughts filled my head and heart, trying to grasp on to Him, but I felt so far away. And instead I grasped on to this world, which crumbled in my hands.

I remember this.

The darkness, the panic, the confusion, the anxiety, the hopelessness..

I recalled a sermon I once heard, something about when evil comes , to fight, and if you can’t fight, withstand, and if you can’t withstand, just stand. And so that’s what I did, I just stood. I was weak, and I had no fight left, I felt like I’ve been on the battlefield for a hundred lifetimes, and the rest and peace He once offered me was gone.

“Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand”

 Ephesians 6:13

Once I stopped panicking, crying, complaining, and I just stood, then I could hear Him.

That’s when I began to say thank You.

Thank You for the pain, the struggle, the trials, thank you for showing me my weakness.

⁸ Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. ⁹ And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. ¹⁰ Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

2 Corinthians 12: 8-10

Such mercy He has.  Watching me sin and reformulate scripture to fit my desired life, and then yell at Him when everything fell apart.

Like a child, like a stubborn, ungrateful child. 

And like Peter, I denied Him.

In the book of Daniel, when Shadrach, Meschach, Abdenego are sentenced to death in the blazing furnace, for refusing to bow down to King Nebuchadnezzar’s golden statue. They went in the fire not knowing that God would save them, they went in knowing that the will of God will be done, whether they lived or died. They knew God could save them, He is more than powerful, but they didn’t know if He would, if it was in line with His will. but they accepted whatever outcome, because it came from Him.

Heaven Father,

I pray to have faith like Shadrach, Meschach and Abdenego have. A faith that will strengthen me to never bow down to anything but You, a faith that will strengthen me to walk in the fire.

I recently watched a movie that I had already seen, the constant gardner I remember seeing it many years ago, admiring the main character, wanting to be like her, fighting for the sick and the poor against big bad pharmaceutical companies. But this time around, I found her to be unstable; a liar, proud, afraid and lost.

I was always dead set on doing humanitarian work, and I headed out to Sri Lanka and Tanzania in 2017. It took me only a short moment to see that just like in the bakery and business world, the ngo world was also wrought with greed, lies, deceit, envy… But it’s through this reality that I later came to the conclusion that the only hope for humanity is what Jesus did for us on the cross.

I remember that day, in Sri Lanka, when I started to really question the nature of humanitarian work. We had opened a traditional cafe in alliance with a travel company. It was our opening day, the tables were set, the air was filled with spices and excitement. The women fluttered around in their best saris, like colourful butterflies. It all went fine, except for me, I knew about the lies, the manipulations, I knew how each side had its own plan and how they ignored certain injustices that were being done, as long as their respective mandates were fulfilled. That moment, when I could see the deception of it all, like in a surreal dimension, I could see all the x’s and y’s, the 1’s and 0’s. It was just a game. They were all just playing a game.

And that is how I started to realise that the foundation upon which we build our good intentions is unstable, broken and false. They fall to pieces if not based on a foundation that is stronger than concepts of this world.

Today, I know that Jesus is the super hero. He is the Saviour, the miracle worker and He will find a way out for those who are suffering, maybe He’ll use me, maybe He wont. But it’s not about me. It took me years and many lessons to put my ego aside, my desire to be a saviour, and to let God do His work. His work on me.

I’m not saying that it’s not beautiful to want to help out those that are suffering, but we must be led by the Spirit or it will be about our pride and we will end up like the character in the movie, lost and fearful.

Heavenly Father,

We pray to base our lives on You, the living stone, on a foundation that cannot be moved, that cannot be shaken. We pray to always be guided by You, and not by our own desires, to be able to discern the truth through even the best of our intentions.

God gave me the beautiful opportunity to go to Tanzania where He taught me many lessons. One of the greatest lessons was on humility. Doing humanitarian work was always a dream of mine and I recall how I had many ideas of grandeur, dreaming of all the things I would teach, all the people I would help.

But God had a different plan.

It was about helping me, saving me, from what I couldn’t see. From my own selfishness, my pride, my vanity, from attachments and desires that I didn’t even realize I had. We never know how good ( what I really mean to say is we never know how not good ) we are until that moment comes, where you’re tempted and tested, and you fail, finally seeing the truth of who you really are. (This was all before I came to know Jesus, so I was still being led by my own ego).

There were many moments that humbled me. Like how each time Maliki and Bibi would give me the best boiled green banana from their plate.

There was one event in particular that opened my heart. We were meeting a very poor family. A single mother of 7, living with aids, all 8 of them squeezed in one small dark room, so small that the door could not open completely as the bed was in the way. I sat there, playing with the children, chatting with the mother. I remember the youngest boy, 3 years old, coming next to me and lifting his shirt exposing terrible fresh scars all over his upper body. He had fallen into the fire while the mother was preparing their meal…

I noticed such sadness in her eyes, eyes that wouldn’t look up, as if ashamed. I remember thinking how horrible it must be to have this stranger come into your home, ‘to help’. I remember thinking that the last thing I ever wanted to do was to bring about shame. I wanted to hold her, and tell her how sorry I was. How sorry I was that the world was upside down, how she should never ever feel ashamed, how she should be so proud, raising 7 children on her own. I wanted to tell her of all the struggles I’ve been through, I wanted to tell her of all the mistakes I’ve made…

A few months later, I found myself back in Sri lanka, and I was texting with my friend in Tanzania asking him about this mother, if she was ok. And he acted surprised, that I remembered her. My heart broke. How could anyone not remember?

But we do, we get tangled up in our lives and we forget…

God humbled me many times during my stay in Tanzania and Sri Lanka. Sometimes I would be sitting next to a child, colouring or doing additions and I would sit there in awe and wonder thinking how blessed I was that God would allow me to be near such life, pure and innocent. And that He trusted me , and chose me to love and care for these children, even if for only a short moment.

Today, we support this family through the foundation, by providing two of the children with all their school fees and supplies, and our friend in Tanzania regularly checks upon them in case of emergencies, like food or medical aid.

‘And the LORD GOD formed man of the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living being.’

Genesis 2:7

When I began on my spiritual journey, one of the things I had cut out was reading the news.  It would fill me with dread and fear and hopelessness. Sometimes, it’s necessary to shut yourself away from this world, so that we can come back IN it without being OF it. 

Today I am capable of reading the news without complete desperation. It hurts my heart but I now know the power of prayer and I know that God is in control.

But I must admit that these days, with the locusts in Africa, the Syrian refugees, the famine in Yemen, the Coronavirus , etc… it can be overwhelming. 

Just now I read that the virus has mutated and is even deadlier. True or not, it’s difficult to find peace in all of this hype.

How I like to see it, is that this virus is a gentle way of God telling us to take a step back, and simply rest. Just like when you’re overworked and you catch a cold and you’re obligated to take care of yourself, to take a bath, to sleep , to eat well. Maybe as a planet, as a collective, that is exactly what we need to do, to take care of ourselves and to stop running around so much. And just like in my life, when I fell ill, I knew if I continued with my toxic lifestyle, I would have developed cancer.  So let’s look at this virus as a blessing, because it could and should be much worse.  Considering how we are living, how we treat each other and this planet, we deserve much worse than the Coronavirus. 

So what do we do in times where it seems like there is nothing we can do? We do the simplest thing: we breathe . We don’t need to stock up on toilet paper and hand sanitizer. We simply need to bring our focus back to the most natural of things, our breath. 

We need to remember the beauty of every breath. And to give thanks to the Most High for this life that we have. 

A few days ago I fell upon a teaching that I really wanted to share because I find it so beautiful and appropriate for these present times. 

In the book of Exodus, when God reveals Himself to Moses, and commands Him to free the Israelites from Egypt. Moses is concerned  how will he convince them all that the message is from God.  

Then Moses said to God, “If I come to the people of Israel and say to them, ‘The God of your fathers has sent me to you,’ and they ask me, ‘What is his name?’ what shall I say to them?”  God said to Moses, “I am who I am.” And he said, “Say this to the people of Israel: ‘I am has sent me to you.’” God also said to Moses, “Say this to the people of Israel: ‘The Lord, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac, and the God of Jacob, has sent me to you.’ This is my name forever, and thus I am to be remembered throughout all generations.” 

Exodus 3:13-15

God is called at least 1000 names in the Bible, but the name that stands alone is YHWH.  That is the name that God has chosen ‘to be remembered throughout all generations.’ The best English translation would be LORD , all capital letters. 

In Jewish tradition, it was considered too sacred to say His name out loud.  And overtime the Jews substituted YHWH with ‘adonai’ (my lord) or Elohim (God). But these words can be used for other things where as YHWH is reserved exclusively as a name for God.

YHWH was forbidden to pronounce because the Jews considered themselves and all humans to be unworthy to pronounce His name.

But what if there is a deeper truth?  What if YHWH is unpronounceable because the name of God transcends human language. The name of God doesn’t belong to Hebrew, or Greek or Aramaic or Sanskrit . 

If one attempts to prononce YHWH, one simply ends up breathing.   The name of God cannot be spoken, only breathed.  

How beautiful is that?

That God is so generous , He gave Himself a name that we all speak every moment we are alive. 

And it’s for everyone, there is no Chinese or Tanzanian way to breathe, there is no rich or poor way to breathe, there is no Bhuddist or Islamic way to breathe.  It is accessible for us all at all times. 

And so I urge you all, in these times that seem to be spinning out of control, to simply find a comfortable space and rest, bringing your attention back to your breath, to the life force flowing in and out of your body. 

Feel the wonder of life inside of you, knowing that God is closer to you than the air you breathe, calling upon His name with each inhalation and each exhalation.

Take this time to be grateful and to give thanks for each breath, as each breath is a gift from God to carry you on to fulfill your purpose. 

Heavenly Father,

We thank you for the gift of life, and we shall rejoice and be glad in whatever it holds, knowing that with each breath we can call upon You.  You, that offers a peace that goes beyond understanding.  Bless us, Father God, with stillness so that we can know You. So that we can know your love and your mercy, so that we can know peace and rest.

When I was younger I always had mixed feelings about Christmas, I eagerly looked forward to it and yet every year I found myself needing to retreat alone, being taken over by sadness.  Today I see why. Christmas was celebrated with such indulgence, covered in commercial varnish. 

 This will be my first Xmas at home in several years and I admit that I was nervous about it.  But I see the change in people.  People choosing less over more.  How blessed we are to be able to make such a choice.

Yes, Christmas is a pagan holiday.  The actual birth of Jesus is a mystery and there must be a divine reason for that. Whether its roots are pagan are not, Christmas is a time to reflect on the birth of Jesus. 

How majestic it all is.

How He came down to earth, to redeem us, a lost race. 

How He became man and remained God.  

“The virgin will conceive and give birth to a son, and they will call him Immanuel” (which means “God with us”). Matthew 1:23

Immanuel – God is with us. 

Jesus Christ is God with you.  

He’s not pushing you, He’s not pulling you. 

He’s with you.

Through your salvation, through your struggles.

Christmas should be in our hearts every day.

Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

Luke 2:14

I loved reading the  book of Exodus.  It’s an exciting story of How God saves the Israelites from slavery, using Moses as a prophet ( a man with a supposed speech impediment), taking them through the wilderness and to the promised land. 

As He did with me. As He wants to do with all of us. 

God literally and biblically took me through the wilderness. Saving me from the slavery of my own worldly desires, of my own sins.  From the confusion of Sri Lanka, to the ruggedness of Tanzania, to the solitude of the Laurentian woods in Canada. 

Until I got it.

Until I finally understood.

Though I received my baptism in March, It is only this past summer that I can truly say that my heart has understood the significance of the cross.

That I finally understood that what Jesus did for us at Calvary hill is the only hope for humanity.

I come from a background where we mocked it, we would joke about His dying for our sins. 

So the unveiling was long. And I pray that you are not as stubborn as I was. 

Even after my baptism, living in a church, I would spend my free time, looking for loopholes.  I spent months researching :

Did Jesus go to India, maybe that was where He learned some supernatural tricks? Are Krishna and Jesus similar?  The lost years of Jesus?

 I was listening to Alan Watts again. I even walked away from God  for a few days, looking for answers in the same places I use to, meditation.  And the devil is so sly, in those few days, he sent me a man, exactly the type I like, a man that told me that he had dreams and visions of Jesus. He would tell me that Jesus would visit him and told him that He  didn’t die on the cross.  The temptation to walk away from Jesus was so strong.

But this time I saw it. 

I saw what was happening to me when I was walking away from God. 

And I came running back, asking for forgiveness for my weaknesses.  Once again,  He took me back with open arms. 

Even then, It still took me a few more months.

  God is so good. He is so patient. Waiting for me, as I researched into  every single doubt.

As I have mentioned before, I didn’t want to believe. I really really wanted to become a Tibetan Bhuddist. 

Buddha tells us to have right thoughts, right words, right actions.  But nowhere does he tells us how. Because I wanted to, I truly wanted to have right thoughts, say right words and do right actions but sometimes I didn’t. Sometimes I had thoughts of lust, I spoke words of pride, and I acted out of greed …. 

the hours I have spent in yoga and meditation, torturing myself over why did I have thoughts I didn’t want to have. 

In the Quran, it states that Jesus did not die on the cross and thus was not resurrected. Islam teaches that on judgement day, your good deeds and your bad deeds will be measured out.  Until then, you don’t know if you’re going up or down. Until then, you have to work for your salvation, following the five pillars. 

Islam , Bhuddihsm  and  other spiritual paths require you to work your way to Moksha, nirvana, paradise, etc. 

But the cross. 

The cross is a gift.

A gift from our Heavenly Father.

God loves us, He loves you,  so much that He sent his only Son to die for us, for you, so that we could live in eternity with Him.

  He would rather die than be without you. 

And all you have to do is have faith. 

Isn’t it perfect? 

I know for some humans it’s difficult to swallow, as our ego wants to prove our righteousness, that we can do it ourselves, that we are good. For others , it’s difficult to believe that someone loves you that much, that you are worthy of such perfect pure love. 

I pray that God opens your heart and your mind to understand the perfection of it all, from the beginning to the end. It was the only way, and it’s so perfect. 

Ephesians 2

By Grace Through Faith

2 And you were dead in the trespasses and sins ² in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— ³ among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body^[a] and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind.^[b] 4 But^[c] God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, ⁵ even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved—⁶ and raised us up with him and seated us with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, ⁷ so that in the coming ages he might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ Jesus.⁸ For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, ⁹ not a result of works, so that no one may boast. ¹⁰ For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

December 21st 2018 was the date that God had previously given me as the beginning of my new life. He had given me time to mourn my old life, knowing what a nostalgic coward I was.

I was in Tanzania at that time, spending time with Maliki. That night, I woke up being drawn to the window, someone, something was there. For me.   I could feel it, I knew it was there.  I looked but I didn’t see it.

The next morning, they told me that a lion was on our premises. I immediately knew that this lion was sent by God.  At first, I thought He was simply telling me to be brave and courageous,  like a lion, for this new life He has set out for me.

It was 10 days later, January first.  I had plans to go to the market, but God has other plans.  I could hear music playing, not far away. I thought people were still celebrating. As I left my home, turning right towards the market, my body turned left following the music.  I found myself at the steps of a small rickety wooden church. I’ve been to many ashrams, temples, mosques, retreats, holy sites but nothing comes close that what took me over that day.
His love, His grace, almost knocking me to the floor…

I now understand that the lion meant lion of Judah.
Jesus.

Jesus is the Lion of Judah.
A few days later, alone in my room in Dar Es Salaam, the night before my flight back to SL. I said OK. I called out to God, and literally said ‘ok, let’s try this Jesus thing.’

Forgive me for such bad wording.

Immediately. At that exact moment. the attacks began.
They were not happy.

 

1 He that dwelleth in the secret place of the most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

² I will say of the Lord, He is my refuge and my fortress: my God; in him will I trust.

³ Surely he shall deliver thee from the snare of the fowler, and from the noisome pestilence.

⁴ He shall cover thee with his feathers, and under his wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler.

⁵ Thou shalt not be afraid for the terror by night; nor for the arrow that flieth by day;

⁶ Nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness; nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

⁷ A thousand shall fall at thy side, and ten thousand at thy right hand; but it shall not come nigh thee.

⁸ Only with thine eyes shalt thou behold and see the reward of the wicked.

⁹ Because thou hast made the Lord, which is my refuge, even the most High, thy habitation;

¹⁰ There shall no evil befall thee, neither shall any plague come nigh thy dwelling.

¹¹ For he shall give his angels charge over thee, to keep thee in all thy ways.

¹² They shall bear thee up in their hands, lest thou dash thy foot against a stone.

¹³ Thou shalt tread upon the lion and adder: the young lion and the dragon shalt thou trample under feet.

¹⁴ Because he hath set his love upon me, therefore will I deliver him: I will set him on high, because he hath known my name.

¹⁵ He shall call upon me, and I will answer him: I will be with him in trouble; I will deliver him, and honour him.

¹⁶ With long life will I satisfy him, and shew him my salvation.

What I loved about ashtanga was the observation and realisation of the impermanence of my thoughts.  How I could carry a belief around like an anchor and watch it dissipate with time.

For example, when I arrived at the second series, at eka pada sirsasana (foot behind the head pose), I truly 100% believed, no doubt whatsoever, that I could never ever achieve such a feat ( no pun intended).  I would  even try to convince my teacher, and other practitioners:

1. because it’s incredibly difficult
2. because  my torso is long and my legs are short, it seemed physically impossible, square peg round hole kinda thing.

But I practiced, and one day my foot reached my ear.  I kept practicing, and one day my foot slipped behind my head. Not gracefully, but it happened. 

The impossible became possible.

It had me thinking what else in my life am I believing to be impossible that might actually be possible:

A successful business? Healing a broken relationship ? Overcoming an addiction? 

It is this realisation that opened the door to Sri Lanka.  It seemed impossible to leave, to leave my business, my family, my life.  

But it happened. 

SL was a mind trip on its own.  After two months, I wanted to run back home.  However, I also knew that if I stayed still, and didn’t panic, something might happen.  And something did.  God revealed Himself to me.

A few crazy moments had to happen before that divine encounter. Many uncomfortable moments.  Coming face to face with my demons, my judgements, my beliefs, my fears.  

There were times I ended up with people I didn’t know, in places I didn’t know, speaking a language I didn’t know. My mind would panic , trying to convince me, perhaps trying to protect me : “ok, girl, this is it, this is where they rape you, steal your bag and dump you in a ditch.”  When I would actually come to understand the situation, it was usually something along the lines of : “we’re going to prepare you a special traditional Sri Lankan meal in your honour.”

I was constantly analysing situations and people according to my past, according to the beliefs that my culture and my experience have taught me to believe. I realised how many moments I must have misconstrued, and ruined because I reacted to these false beliefs. Both abroad and at home.  Not seeing the situation or the person in their truth.

It was like that about Christianity, and Jesus. I tried everything to NOT believe.  I did not want to follow a spiritual path with Jesus. Anything, anything but Jesus.  I wanted to be a mystical Sufi, twirling and reciting poems by the moonlight.  Or a yogi, sitting atop the Himalayas, adorned in prayer beads. 

But He kept dropping me hints. I kept telling Him to go away, that He didn’t have what I needed. 

I believed that only uneducated people or people that lived desperate, difficult lives believed in Christ.  I believed that Christians were closed minded and were to blame for a majority of the suffering in this world. And part of it is true, but a true Christian, a true follower of Christ would not have done such atrocities. It took me a lot of time and research to see, to see through the ocean of lies around Jesus and true Christianity.  To see through the falsities that have been created by people with an agenda, to lead us into fear based lives. 

I understand that this is why I received a backlash when I launched my blog.  They only saw what they have been trained to see. Jesus = bad , Christians = wrong, judgemental, dangerous.

We surround ourselves with people that think like us, that act like us. We hardly ever scratch the surface of different, because it’s uncomfortable.  And people don’t want to be disturbed, they don’t want their lives shaken, their opinions challenged, their beliefs confronted. Because maybe, just maybe, they might find out that they might have been wrong about a thing or two. 

And boy, oh boy, take it from me, it’s really messy when that happens!!!

So I am writing this post as a response to the backlash, not out of resentment because I understand you all completely. I was just like you. I simply want to clarify what Christianity is to me, what Christianity is in its true essence :

Compassion towards all, forgiveness, cooperation, caring and sharing with the poor and the oppressed, justice for orphans and widows, loving others more than myself. 

Jesus gives me the strength to put my worldly desires aside and fills me with the desire to love and care for those in need, around me and beyond.  

That’s just a tiny part.  The whole point of this blog, of my life as well,  is to demonstrate to others the beauty and uniqueness of Jesus.  I pray that God will allow me to do that with grace and love. 

May God’s peace and grace be with you all

I was in Kathmandu in the tourist area, Thamel, when a man approached me with the intention of selling me drugs.   At that moment, I heard God’s voice, asking me to tell him.  So I interrupted him and told him what God wanted him to hear.  ‘God loves you,’ I said softly. At that moment, he immediately broke down, crumbling to his knees, tears flowing out of his eyes.  We went to an alley to avoid the gaze and judgement of the crowd.

He told me his story, how he use to be a hiking guide and had a successful career but broke his leg and lost everything, fell into a life of drugs and crime.  He had two children and a wife but hadn’t been home in over a month, sleeping on the streets, too ashamed to go home as he had no work, and could not provide food for them.  We prayed together.  We bought some groceries and went home to his family.

I thank God for that beautiful encounter, for trusting me to share His love and mercy with that man and his family.  

I use to think that God was mean, and judging and closed minded.  I wanted nothing to do with Him because He had created such an unjust world, where so many are suffering. 

When I started to believe, I was angry, I was very angry at God. In SL, I met people, people that were living joyful, peaceful lives, full of grace.  I was so mad at Him asking Him why did He make me suffer so much?  I wondered what if I had succeeded at killing myself, would You have sent me to hell? So I would have lived a life of pain, a life of what seemed like hell on earth and then been punished and sent to eternal hell as well?

How was that fair, how was that just?  Because honestly, I didn’t know,  I didn’t know how to live differently than the way I was living.
Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” Luke 23:34

I didn’t know that  God existed. 

I heard about Him, but I certainly didn’t feel His presence in my life. The God they told me about was going to punish me, punish me for things that didn’t even seem bad, for things that I didn’t feel like I had any other choice but to do.

Why would I want to know this God?

No one told me. 

I didn’t know that God was loving. 

And I certainly didn’t know that God loved me. 

I didn’t know that He wanted me to know joy and peace. 

I didn’t know that He wanted to protect me.

I didn’t know that He loved every single one of us so much, that He sacrificed his only Son. 

 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. John 3:16

And we don’t even know. 

 

In an earlier post I quoted Brennan Manning.  Brennan Manning suffered from alcoholism for a majority of his life.

He says that on judgement day, Lord Jesus will ask us one question:

“Did you believe that I loved you?”

Christianity is not a set of judgements, rules and moral codes, it’s a love affair. 

“Because salvation is by grace through faith, I believe that among the countless number of people standing in front of the throne and in front of the Lamb, dressed in white robes and holding palms in their hands (see Revelation 7:9), I shall see the prostitute from the Kit-Kat Ranch in Carson City, Nevada, who tearfully told me that she could find no other employment to support her two-year-old son. I shall see the woman who had an abortion and is haunted by guilt and remorse but did the best she could faced with grueling alternatives; the businessman besieged with debt who sold his integrity in a series of desperate transactions; the insecure clergyman addicted to being liked, who never challenged his people from the pulpit and longed for unconditional love; the sexually abused teen molested by his father and now selling his body on the street, who, as he falls asleep each night after his last ‘trick’, whispers the name of the unknown God he learned about in Sunday school.

‘But how?’ we ask.

Then the voice says, ‘They have washed their robes and have made them white in the blood of the Lamb.’

There they are. There *we* are – the multitude who so wanted to be faithful, who at times got defeated, soiled by life, and bested by trials, wearing the bloodied garments of life’s tribulations, but through it all clung to faith. 

My friends, if this is not good news to you, you have never understood the gospel of grace.”

 

Get through the first minute, and listen until the end.