I have attempted to write an about me page for , oh, about 2 years!
I remember reading from life coaches, bloggers, healers, how the words simply came to them. Be your authentic self, speak your truth and your tribe will find you, they would say. How lovely it all sounded, but I could never manage, words would hardly come to me, and when they did, they were full of contradictions. And now I know why. I wasn’t ready. I still had lessons to learn before I could start sharing my story.
Today, it all makes sense: the good and the bad, the happy and the sad, the light and the dark.
When I look back, it all makes sense.
My journey began several years ago. It all started with a huge wake-up call and since I was so blind to the signs, they just kept on coming. (My full testimony coming out soon…) For years, I carried myself around, depressed, angry, envious, broken, overworked, basically just being a big pile of negative energy, making it impossible to look into the mirror, or to even get out of bed. I wondered who was this person? I wondered how could this be life?
I suffered with depression for most of my life, and many nights I would ask God why he made me this way, not strong enough to go out and be someone and yet not strong enough to end my life. Today, when I think back at these very sad moments, I see how God was there the whole time, protecting me. I came from the darkest corner of the deepest hole, I know what it feels like be hopeless, to truly believe that life will only be a continuous series of pain and sadness. And I know now, how it feels to believe otherwise. I know what it feels like to be filled with love, so much love, for the whole world and beyond. To wake with gratitude and a smile, and to be excited to shine your light on everyone. That is the lesson, that lesson that I had to learn before I could begin this blog. I had conquered my depression several years ago, but I only understood the truth behind the impermanence of our thoughts and beliefs this past year. The thoughts that limit you, that keep you worried, anxious, self-involved. That is not who you are, that is not who we are.
We are beings with infinite potential, to express our divine nature, living a life of joy, peace, grace and truth. A life of purpose, of stillness, a life that allows you to see the in between, beyond the visible world.
What I think I know:
– Gratefulness: my life changed dramatically when I began to write three things that I was grateful for every day ( from simple things like my ginger tea to bigger ones like the existence of the universe)
– I am most content when I have dirt under my finger nails, staring at the moon, feet in the water…
– praying and journaling
– trusting and surrendering
– love and the service of others : you can revolutionize a whole situation by approaching it with love
– some lessons are only to be taught by suffering : no mud, no lotus !
– God. I dont even know where to begin about God. One day I will share my testimony, but for now all I can say, is that God loves us all. The love of God, the mercy of God, those are glorious things.