Last week I fasted for one day. Being back home is actually more difficult for my spiritual practice but I decided that I should start fasting on a weekly basis, no matter where or with whom I am.
I like to think that I am already quite healthy so fasting for a day is not difficult, I also attempt at detoxing from my phone as well, which proves to be more difficult.
The minute I ended my fast I received a call. A call from someone in my past. The only person on this whole planet that can throw me off my path. Which is exactly what they managed to do. This person had me questioning everything. Regretting my past, fearing the future. Instilling doubt in my faith and the work that God has called me to do.
But I know better now. While on the phone, I knew that whatever words this person was saying, it was coming from another source. The manner in which he spoke was simply not him, I could tell that even he didn’t know what or why he was saying those words to me.
I thought , well, if Satan is bringing out his best soldier after one day of fasting. He must really be scared. I have no doubt Satan wants me. I once was a favorite of his. I’ll always remember my return to Canada after a year in Sri Lanka, after God saved me. That first night home, in my parent’s living room, I had a dream. I had a vision. God and Satan were fighting over me. Satan kept repeating that I use to be his but God replied that I now belonged to Him and Him only. I woke up crying, crying in such joy and gratitude. Seeing how much God was fighting for me, as He is for every one of us.
Back to fasting. So it had me thinking that I should do a longer fast. To see what other tricks the devil has up his sleeve.
The following week I dry fasted for three and a half days, meaning no food no water. It wasn’t as difficult as I thought it would be. It’s not the hunger or thirst that are challenging, just boredom. I tried to avoid social media and just pray and meditate but failed.
And let me tell you , that Satan is tricky. I was prepared for an angry call from my past, but this time he hit me with something a bit more subtle.
I’m a bit embarrassed to talk about this but here we go. I fell into a short depression. I went from smiles and gratitude to my defeatist attitude of what is the point of anything? I had to go back to the city , and all I could see was greed, and anger and homelessness. My heart went numb and I started to have nightmares again. and then I turned to food for comfort, instead of God. I just ate. And I thought about food all the time. I have suffered from eating disorders for as long as I can remember, so it was really disappointing to have it creep back into my life.
I now see how many demons are always circling around me, just waiting for a moment of weakness to enter.
It’s a bit frustrating, to see how weak I am. And so I am asking you for help. I will attempt at a longer fast and I need you to pray for me.
Pray for me so that my fasting can help me combat these demons that are stopping me from fulfilling my purpose. Pray for me so that I can become strong enough for those children that God is asking me to take care of. Pray for me to resist those thoughts of fear and doubt. Pray for me to resist all temptations that keep me away from God and his will for my life.
Blessings and honour.